Happiness Now, Therapy Later

                                                                                

My wisest friend once told me that her goal was not to make her child happy but to teach him what to do when he wasn't happy. Isn't giving our children the tools to deal with unhappiness, disappointment and loss what we're supposed to do? We won't always be there to smooth the waters, referee, intercede and intercept when life's little and big disappointments head their way.

Just take a peek at the article below and you'll see why a few tears and bumps in the road now can pave the way for a resilient and more confident young adult.

 http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/print/2011/7/how-to-land-your-kid-in-therapy/8555/

Do you know a child with 1/2 a manner?

A family friend once remarked about visiting relatives, " My nephew had 1 manner and his friend had 1/2 a manner." Since then I've used the phrase "1/2 a manner" to distinguish particularly appalling, unmannerly and anti-social behavior by my children. Let's face it, every precious little bundle of joy is just a treasure trove of potential faux-pas. The bundle of joy will create the faux-pas when he/she deems that there are a sufficient number of witnesses to enjoy the parent's utter and complete humiliation. Potential faux-pas scenarios are best enacted in very nice restaurants, church/synagogue, a children's museum (with lots of parents on hand to judge you), anywhere with grandparents (they afford the child an extra level of protection against angry parents) and planes.

I came across this super list of 25 manners that every child should know on the Parents Magazine website and included in the March issue. It's written for children and touches on all the basics.  Just keep in mind that there will be humiliating moments and lots of missteps on the road to social civility. But let's make a pact not to give up. Goodness knows, we wouldn't want anyone to think our little one only had 1/2 a manner!http://www.parents.com/kids/development/social/25-manners-kids-should-know/

A Great Little Book

Happily, I have an eight year old who still enjoys having me read to him a few nights a week, though by now it may just be a savvy  bedtime delay tactic on his part. Storytime can be a great way to end the day (plus get in some cuddling) and for maximum fun the books should be enjoyed by both parent and child. The charming and whimsical Roxaboxen hits this perfect note. A little group of neighborhood friends near the start of World War I create their own fanciful little town, Roxaboxen, using little more than carefully placed stones and their imaginations. It's based on the stories of author Alice McLerran's mother, one of the creators of the real-life Roxaboxen.

Here's a link to purchase a copy.

http://www.harpercollins.com/books/Roxaboxen/?isbn=9780688075927

Let them play (and become better learners at the same time)!

This is a great article that touches on a few reasons why we all may want to consider educational options other than simply strapping a small child to a desk for 8 hours a day. Learning and play are not mutually exclusive, despite what some headmasters think.  Don't let the word "play" scare you off either. Food for thought....

http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/12/29/christakis.play.children.learning/index.html

A Simple and Elegant Holiday Dessert

http://video.nytimes.com/video/2007/10/23/dining/1194817092576/the-minimalist-orange-confit.html?scp=1&sq=confit%20oranges&st=cse

I have been making this Orange Confit since I found the recipe in 2007. Each year on the morning of December 23rd, I begin simmering my oranges and within a few hours the house is perfumed with their ffragrance. This dessert is a very elegant finish to my Christmas Eve supper and the recipe couldn't be simpler, in case you're trying to balance a new baby with holiday preparations.

The NYTimes link above provides a short video and recipe. It really is simple and yummy. Let me know if you try it.

Cheers,

Leda

Every Child's Library Should Include Frances

No child's library can be complete without one or all of the Frances series by Russell Hoban. You'll enjoy these clever stories about bedtime, food phobias, friendship and sibling rivalry as much as your little one.

http://www.amazon.com/Bedtime-Frances-Trophy-Picture-Books/dp/0064434516/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1267128593&sr=1-2 

Fried Chickpeas with Chorizo and Spinach

On Sunday mornings I can always find my husband watching Mark Bittman's latest video recipe for the NY Times. This weekend the recipe was for fried chickpeas with chorizo and spinach. It was fast, simple, delicious and an easy way to introduce young children to a new flavors. The world's made up of more than beanie weenies and fish sticks. 

Enjoy!

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/24/dining/24mini.html?ref=dining

Fight the Perfectionist Trend!

I care a great deal about the people my children are today and what I can do to help encourage them to be successful adults and loving spouses and parents down the road.  Most of the time,  I don't give a rat's fanny about their grades. Sorry, this is the truth. They're good students but as a family we don't put a great deal of pressure on them about academic achievement and really try and consciously work against the trend of perfectionism in my daughter's school. Isn't there a saying to the effect of "don't let the perfect be the the enemy of the good?" I still believe that good is often good enough.

I actually had another mother tell me one day that, "no one will care that your child is a good citizen, they only care about the grades." This was right before she announced that she wouldn't be attending a poetry reading at the school by her child because the child hadn't made the finals and "everyone knows that my family always places or wins." Ouch! Did this mom ever stop to think that her child may have learned a great deal even though she didn't "place or win?" The idea that we play just to win or study just to rank in the top percentile is a suffocatingly narrow way to raise a child.

Here is the link to a great article on why we should all fight the trend of perfectionism.  If your goal is to raise a successful adult, you need to get off this train.

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/half_full/?p=298

Kelly Rutherford Is My New Best Friend

How nice is it for someone to contact you just to say how much they love your collection? Gossip Girl actress Kelly Rutherford did just that last week . She loves the roomy Signature Collection converter gown for her baby daughter and told us, "I have seen many styles and brands of children's clothing, however there is something so old world and charming about Pixie Lily".

Thank you, Kelly!  

Rainy Days and Mondays and Snack Requests Always Bring Me Down

I'm generally impervious to guilt but I'm starting to feel a twinge of something now that I am having to ignore more snack requests than usual. Yesterday morning my son's school sent an email asking if any of us could help provide drinks and a snack for a small class celebration.  My response to such requests is completely passive (and wimpy), I simply go "dark" and wait for other more efficient and industrious mothers to jump on the assigned task.  I was not disappointed, within minutes several volunteered to bring drinks and a host of other goodies. 

Still, I was left wondering why anyone had been asked to provide food in the first place. The children all enjoy a healthy snack at 10:00 and then lunch at 12:00. During regular days at school there is nothing to eat from lunch until 2:55 when they are dismissed so why the need to feast after a "publishing party"?

These days it seems like every activity no matter how mundane or celebratory must be accompanied by a snack. I thought I was the only anti-snack curmudgeon but this morning I happened across a great opinion piece in the Dining and Wine section of the NY Times by Jennifer Steinhauer. Knowing that I'm not alone is a nice way to start the day. Interesting comments section too.

http://www.nytimes.com/pages/dining/index.html